Finally Singing

I have had the most amazing singing opportunities here. I joined the Tuscania choir, made so many new friends and received the opportunity to sing a solo with the choir for an event here. Then, after the approval of the priest here I was able to sing "Panis Angelicus" as an entire solo with the organ during mass (I've never sang a solo with an organ by myself!) It seems like every event I participate in leads to another even more amazing opportunity. Thank God for these opportunities because after a year of not singing by myself in front of an audience, I sank into this mindset of seriously depleted self confidence of wondering if I would ever be capable of singing in front of people again. The phrase, "If you don't use it you lose it" is really true. But living in Italy in a completely different environment not being able to communicate at first and then over time improving, gave me the confidence to be able to sing again. I thought if I can learn a completely different language, I can sing in front of people. This experience and being away from music for about 7 months has restored my motivation and self confidence in singing. Thanks to these great opportunities I'm actually excited to sing in front of people again. It feels like I'm 12 years old again rediscovering the real reason why we should sing-- not because we are constantly trying to compete to see who is better, but because it's about the joy, the passion and most importantly the message. So here is what I have to say, this video is not perfect by any means but it's a renewed start to a life-long passion. I'm finally okay with not being perfect all the time while singing, and I'm now invigorated by the process of improvement. I can't wait to see where I can go from here!

A Thought

You know you are with the right person when they give you the freedom to let you become who you are, whoever that might be. Thank you to the Love of all my days.

Without Expectations

Today I went to the park again and decided to finish my pencil drawing of the landscape that I had started the day before. Now, I am no artist, I never had any drawing lessons except for 30 minutes when I was ten years old with my grandpa. Now he was an artist and can draw fantastically. So all I know about drawing technique is what I remember from 13 years ago, which isn't much. The rest, well I just draw what I see and hope it comes out looking half-way real. You my ask why I was inspired to do something that I've rarely ever done in my life. Well, while I've been living here, I realized sometimes it's not always about doing something because you have a particular talent for it, but doing something for the pleasure of it, regardless of skill. It's the things that give you joy that matter, not how well you succeed or fail at them. So without any expectation of myself, I picked up a pencil and started drawing. It was such a rewarding, relaxing and joyful thing to do something without an expectation. To just live in the moment and accept what is ever created is a wonderful feeling. The picture above is the result of this moment.

My Haven

This is the reason why I love Italy. This is the view from my park (The Tuscania Park) that I come to every chance I get.

Like a Child

This is the other part of the first month of my life. This is the language part, the feeling "like a child" part. As an adult, I don't think anyone can feel as small as living in a different country trying to learn a new language. This feeling was not something I expected. Even though I studied Italian for two years before I came here. I felt like I was learning the language for the first time. Everyone spoke so fast, just like we do in English of course, but that I can understand, Italian not so much. Seriously, if I didn't have such an immense passion for this language, I would have given up a long time ago. The first week, after not speaking any Italian for a whole summer, my mind was so rusty. I literally had to get up the courage to form one sentence which took about two minutes. But the great thing about being terrible at something in the beginning is watching immediate rapid improvement. After about a week I could form sentences in half the time. A week after that I could form new very short and simple sentences on the fly. However while this doesn't sound so bad, let me tell you how bad it actually was. Imagine for one second that when you sit at the table to eat dinner with a group of people, you have all of these thoughts but you are not allowed, worse, not even capable of communicating. If you want to ask for someone to pass a dish on the table to you, you can't because you don't even know how to say "pass." So what do you do, just grab the plate impolitely? Yes, more or less or like a child, point. Or if the water in the shower is cold, you can't even ask how or when it gets hot, or if there is no toliet paper, ummm, how do you ask for that? And when someone explains this to you, you can't even understand what they are saying. Try living in that world. It was the most humbling and frustrating experience of my life. I now completely understand why two years old cry when they want something like a bottle and they can't get it, because they can't communicate. This is how I felt about 5 times a day. This wanting to cry feeling, the rest of the time was just a subtle, "how bad am I really?" feeling. Let me tell you this, without communication, we are like walking caged beings. We have all of these thoughts, but we can't get them out. I literally felt the most frustrated and joyful I have ever felt in my life during this time time. I was in this amazingly beautiful Italian city that was better than I had dreamed, but I couldn't speak. It was from this experience that I learned the meaning of self control. I could either let myself feel and tell myself how stupid I was for not remembering how to say or ask for something OR I could say to myself, "It's ok, everyone is like this at first with anything and even though I really don't know how, I guess, surely it must get better. " I'll say the latter didn't always win each battle, but it certainly did in the end. For one of the first times in my life I learned the importance of having control over your thoughts. You become what you let yourself become. You become what you let yourself believe is possible. I can't tell you how many times I prayed to know that it just might be possible to get better. And deep down I just had to have faith that it would. I had to tell myself it was possible, and then it happened. Not to say that I'm fluent now, but I'm definitely conversational and can ask for anything I want even if I don't know the word for it on the fly. It is the best feeling in the world to feel this sense of accomplishment, because I have never struggled so much with a task in my life. I feel like after this I have learned the patience to do almost anything. Learning a language taught me to be patient with my progress as a singer, even though I'm not singing here. It taught me to never give up on myself- cliche I know, but true. I rediscovered the joy of struggle and the reason for patience- and that has made all the difference.

Craziness

This blog is recounting my first month in Italy, which I would like to call "craziness." As soon as I arrived in Italy, it felt like a whirlwind, something completely different than my experience when I first moved to college by myself. For the first month at college I was quite lonely, didn't know anyone and didn't make friends for a while. I guess I was expecting something like this, a lot of alone time to reflect on my life, etc. However, this was the exact opposite. I immediately had this small group of American friends who were attending my school in Italy. A part from that, I made friends with this girl my age, Eleonora at the main cafe here, "Cafe Duomo." I like to call it the "Starbucks of Tuscania" because that's where everyone hangs out. Dann and I ate lunch there the day before he left to fly back to the states, and she was our waitress. I knew immediately that we would be friends and sure enough, it happened. Even though she left Tuscania three weeks after I got here to go to her college in Perugia (an hour and a half away) I still consider her my best Italian friend here. We see each other every time she comes home for the weekend. So that's how this started. And it continues, Eleonora has a brother, Marco who has a group of guy friends that always hang out at the Duomo. So my group of America student friends here which is about 5 people combined with the American group and thus the craziness commenced. We hung out together literally every night for the first month. And I'm proud to say that I became the translator of the group when the English-Italian communication couldn't always be achieved from one group to the other. Although, I wasn't that great at it, but I got by. Thankfully between both groups we each spoke enough of each other's language to function. So the American group: Justin, Maria, Kaitie, Townsend, and me and occasionally Mike and Emma at the beginning. The Italian group: Marco, Federico, Giulio, Mariano, Gino and occasionally Roberto and a few others. We hung out at the Duomo every night after dinner, which started at about 10 o'clock. Add two hours to everything you do in America and that's the schedule Italy is on. :) So we would have a few drinks, coffee or whatever and then after, we went out of the half time to the next main city, Viterbo. This is the Dallas to Flower Mound. This included going to a go-cart track, discotecas (aka clubs, although after 2 times of that, I was done with that scene), a friend's house, bowling, winery, walk through the park, more caffes/pubs, etc. On weekends we went to the beach together and special events like the jazz weekend, and the hot chocolate festival. It was so_ much_ fun, some of the best memories I've had. But after a month of that, and almost no time to myself or to write for that matter, I was tired. I love going out with people but too much of anything isn't good. It was at that point that I realized I needed some major balance in my life. I loved my new friends but that first month was no different than my life in America - exciting and always on the go. Now the exciting part is wonderful but the always on the go part was not exactly the reason I came to Italy. I came here to calm down, not to constantly run around.But still, to this part of my life I say thank you for the wonderful friends that I made and the great memories we shared that made my cultural transition the easiest thing in the world. It was truly an unexpected blessing. It's after that the balance set in and that is the part I like to call "clicking."

A dopo....

A Look into Life in Tuscania

Ciao! First I would like to apologize for not updating this in two months, but better now than never! I have actually had a difficult time writing at all because I struggled with what language to write in. I didn't want to think in English too much because I'm trying to allow my mind to switch to another language but didn't know enough Italian to write fluidly. However, now I have come to the conclusion that it is important to write no matter what language it is in, because writing is good for the soul. So my journal of the past events is literally half Italian, half English. But I'm happy to say that the Italian is taking over.

Anyway, for the past two months I have been living in Tuscania, Italy that initially and over time, seemed and has become truly one of the most beautiful places in the world. This originally Etruscan city has opened my eyes in more ways than I can ever explain. Literally all around the town walls, 14th century churches and buildings you can find Etruscan gems everywhere. Etruscan tombs with full statues on top of the rectangular stone encasing lie everywhere around the town. The statues evoke a sense of history that my mind can’t actually comprehend. This is a culture that lived here several hundred of years before Christ- authenticity is definitely something that is not lacking here. The town sits on top of a hill that is entirely incased in fort walls (that once again dates back to the Etruscans). There are towers along the walls probably every 50 feet or so, around half of which are still there- I’m told there used to be more. Some of these towers have been renovated and are now functional two story buildings. For example, my school is located in what used to be an ancient tower. Inside you wouldn’t know it, because it's so modern and newly renovated with it’s two stories, but through the walls there still small remains pieces of stone from the past, tastefully preserved. My classroom are walls are made of translucent glass and look like a normal modern classroom inside with wooden floors, nice black chairs with an adjustable desk and a dry erase board. The really interesting thing is that the ceiling extends probably at least 20 feet but the walls of the two classrooms on the second floor only extend 10 feet, so the classroom actually feels quite open. It is at that point as I wind around the stairs to enter the classroom on the second floor, I realize I’m in what used to be an ancient tower. As I walk around the town, there is a subtle unevenness of the cobblestone as each has been carefully placed by hand. Even though I love the streets here, practically speaking there are two hazards from the cobblestones: rain, which make the stones very slippery and high heels which are just asking to get caught in a crack and twist an ankle (hence I did not bring ANY high heels). But the cobblestones with the ancient walls and towers are what gives the city its quaintness and charm. I went to a festival a couple weeks ago that celebrated the history of the town. There was a processional in which people dressed up in medieval costumes, kings, queens, knights, peasants, monks, etc. marched with trumpeters and drummers in costume through the ancient streets as onlookers came out for the afternoon to watch. At the end, the group of people finished at the park which overlooks the entire landscape of rollings hills, ancientchurch and castle in the background. There was a play performance in the park of the history of the town with the people dressed in costumes. There was even an old man who played the Pope. Afterwards, there was a performance of staged sword fighting routines and flag throwing. I cannot explain how amazing it was to see people dressed in costumes that once where the authentic dress of the town. It was beautiful to see the medieval outfits matching the ancient scenery. All I I could think about was how I performed in madrigal dinners in high school and dressed up in similar costumes but performed in a medieval decorated cafeteria. The modernly dressed audience matched the modern walls and floors behind the decorations and technically our costumes were out of place in our modern school. But here modern dress doesn't match the ancient scenery. Full medievaldresses should be running throughout the town. Cars on the small roads, while they have been adapted to fit, still seem out of place where horses should be riding. It is a very strange and wonderful feeling to live in this contradiction. One of my favorite aspects of the town is the town clock at the top of the archway of one of the openings of the wall. It's roman numerals ring true to the history as it strikes every hour and keeps the quarter hour as well. It can be heard throughout the entire town, even if you lived just outside the walls like I do. The soothly and strong ring of the bells count the hour and a gentle major third above rings after to keep the quarter hour. This what I hear as I'm walking to school while smelling the fresh morning bread from the bread shop just beneath the clock. It is one of my favorite moments of the day. My second favorite thing about this town is the view from the park. The park is on the edge of one of the town walls and over looks the ancient church and castle fifteen minutes walk away in the distance among the rolling hills and vineyards. I never grow tired of this view. In fact I've come to depend on it. When I'm not in Tuscania, I feel trapped when I can't go look at the endless rolling landscape. It has become the thing that makes me feel free and able to take a deep breath with the world. Today after being away for a week, I sat there on the bench watching the French family play ball in the grass and the young Italian couple kissing by the wall with the panoramic view of brilliant clouds over the landscape. As I took a deep breath, I finally felt like I could breath in a week. I believe God created nature for this reason, because like music it has this innate power of invoking tranquillity. I actually don't know what I am going to do when I can't look at this scene every day, all I know is that nature is now my music.

A dopo! (until later)....

Vita a Tuscania

More to come about life in Tuscania, Italy! E benissimo!

Ah Venezia

So I arrived in Italy three days ago. Let me just say traveling from Germany to Italy was like night and day. The Germans are much more reserved and well let's just say that while I can appreciate the country, its not my passion like Italy is. Frankly, I don't know the German language that well other than the fact that I can somewhat pronounce it because of my classical music background. But it mostly looked like 3 times as many letters for a word than I'm used to. Berlin wall was cool, beer was great, now onto Venice.

Walking through Venice is like walking through a dream. A city build on water, something that is actually impossible, except in 400 a.d. the Italians decided to defy the impossible and make it so. The water actually shimmers more in the moon and candle light than anywhere else in the world. The cobblestones seem to appear beneath your feet following the waves. The stones tell years of stories beneath their ever changing hues. As my friend Mauro once said "Venice is in your heart." With all this being said, the best part about Venice is its secrets. Every tiny street twists and turns and suddenly you're in a place you never expected with a little cove of flowers. It's like walking in a state of discovery at every moment. Invigorating. As if it couldn't get any better, I just had the best meal I've every had in my life in this Venetian dream. The beer was the perfect combination of bitter and sweet, with the most wonderful after taste. Called "Birra Rossa" we have no idea it's original name (it's Venezia's secret). The wine, was sweeter with every moment and flowed like the water through the canal. The salad with lettuce, tomatoes, red peppers, green olives sweeter than intended, capers, cucumbers and full luscious circles of mozzarella cheese, olive oil and balsamic vinegar to add the sweetness of the Italian Gods sang of refreshing in my mouth. Next, pizza. A pizza that puts all other pizzas to shame, it's the Jesus of all pizzas. Flawless to perfection. Fresh made dough only minutes prior, savory magical tomato sauce, mushrooms and a secret combination that made the cheese, with the thin warm crust, and sauce elevate to a level higher than any cherished topping or simple mix of flavors than ever conceived. All I could say was "Italy, Bam!" (said with food in mouth looking up to the heavens). There should be no other way to awaken the possibility of taste than this. My grandfather was right when he said "Italian food is God's food."

Walking through the streets, Italian flying its melody as if the wind itself created the orchestra of sounds. Speaking Italian is like singing at every moment. There is nothing more beautiful or invigorating than letting the sounds of bright e's and rolled r's with flowing s's release without reservation. There is a reason why Italy founded opera, because their language already sang without a note, but think of what it could do if it found pitch!

All this and it's just the beginning.Italy- Ti amo moltissimo. A Firenze e Tuscania!

On the go

So I'm in Berlin about to travel to Venice tomorrow, train to the Berlin airport, plane to Milan, train to Venice, hopefully find the hotel tomorrow amongst the maze that is Venice! Germany was definitely a culture shock, I've never experienced that as much as I have here. It was a little unnerving. Basically I'm just really excited to be in Italy tomorrow, in cities I've been before and a language I can kind of understand. The past week has been very busy, we've been traveling to a new city every 2 or 3 days, and it's getting exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time, but there is something to be said for not having to repack every 2 days. I will be very happy when I'm in Tuscania and can actually set up a home there for the next few months. The past two days I've been in the mental state of comparing what I know to the new. Part of me has that feeling of " I miss my home" but is also excited for the adventure ahead. It's all a transition. It feels like going away to college all over again, but this time it's better because since I have conquered the phase of leaving home for the first time 4 years ago, I know I can do this too. From Ireland, to Germany to Italy in two weeks. There are a few things I know. If I could live in Ireland for the rest of my life, I would be one very, very happy woman. Germany has amazing drink and Italy is where you go to speak passion.

Discovery

I am applying to help teach a classroom of underprivileged students in New York City through an organization called Reach the World while I am studying abroad in Italy. Through my travels and experiences, I will post journals, pictures and videos that the students will read and watch. The teacher will base assignments off of my postings and from my experiences abroad, the students will hopefully broaden their horizons and feel inspired to pursue their dreams ( I really hope I am offered this opportunity!). In my application I was asked to write about one of my favorite travel experiences and I wanted to share it with you all.

I traveled outside of the U.S. for the first time when I was 16 years old. I went on a tour of Italy with my high school choir singing at many ancient churches and masses. One of the cities we visited on our 10 day tour was Venice. Riding on the ferry to this magical floating city, I was immediately hypnotized by the romantic history of this miracle city built on water! I anxiously roamed the maze of streets in Venice trying to memorize every smell, sound and color of the atmosphere. I felt stones of the buildings that told so many stories in there changing hues and listened to the melody of the Italian language flying through the air. After wandering for a while through a small winding cobblestone street, suddenly it left its narrow ways and opened up into the vast arena of St. Mark's Square. I abruptly halted my steps and gasped in shear amazement of this exquisite surprise. Never in my life have I been so astounded by the scene of the quaint to the extraordinary. The golden decor of St. Mark's Cathedral glistened with the sun behind it, as the pigeons flocked amongst the sun rays. It was at that moment I fell in love with joy of discovery. It was the most beautiful scene I had ever encountered and still cherish to this day.

This is precisely why I am studying abroad.

Ciao!

Ciao Tutti! The Italian adventure begins! For those of you who are fans of "Eat. Pray. Love.," I became inspired for this blog's title by the author's favorite italian word, "Attraversiamo," and I must say, I love it as well. This word means "we cross" or "let's cross over." So I thought this was appropriate seeing as I'm about to transition into a completely opposite lifestyle from what I have lived throughout my 22 years. As an American who is used to living life in the fast lane, too much to do, not enough time, fast food and always wanting more sleep, this "crossing over" to Italian culture is about to be a 180 degree turn from all of that. Leisurely days, authentic homemade food, and afternoon naps are the way of the Italians, and I must say I could not be more excited to "cross over." So I hope you all enjoy sharing this journey with me, I love you all. Attraversiamo to Tuscania, Italy!